Random Gaming Quotes

[Evilhalfling]

really are there ever enough of these threads? add you tales from the table.

heavy gamer #1 "hey where did you get that zinger?" (Its like a chocolate Twinkie)
heavy gamer #2 "A guy jumped me in the bathroom, so I killed him and took his stuff."


DM "The captain valiantly forfeits a seat on the life boats and goes down with the ship, bemoaning all of the ill luck on this voyage..."
Player "So he won't be needing his hat then? *Yoink!* I run over and take it, then dash back to the lifeboat"

The chief grabs a weapon from one of his followers and hands it to you. "Take this [+2 magic] vicious war club and make of it what you will"
the follower says "wait thats my.."
"Are you saving the world? I don't think so."

 

[crazy_monkey1956]

Me, explaining how 3rd edition intiative is calculated, "Your initiatve is your Dex modifier."

My half-asleep, pregnant wife, "Wait, did you just say your initiative is your *ss on fire?"

 

[Haltherrion]

From my wife: "Okay, I'll take the boobs of leaping and striding."

She claims she didn't say that but we have five witnesses...

 

[grufflehead]

Background: 1st Ed D&D module in which there have been a number of deaths in a small town. Investigations reveal there is a pattern to the deaths which may be related to a prophecy about a child being born which would grow up to overthrow the local lord.

Character: Gnomish fighter/thief

Player (to GM): I'm heading out of town to see if I can find a mole or a rabbit

GM: Er, OK that shouldn't be too tricky

Player (IC to rabbit using ability to communicate with burrowing mammals): So, seen any pregnant women around here?

GM and other players:


20 years later, that's the one that still gets brought up whenever any of us get together to reminisce...

 

[Thasmodious]

Our DM: these giants are huge, you could easily run, standing, through their legs. They have an evil taint...

 

[purgatorybound]

A little background about the character/player first...

Cpt. Swift Roberts was a drunken swashbuckler and the guy who played him had that "my character is the best" mentality...

The party wakes up on a boat set adrift. and swift (without a roll of any kind) says "I can tell by the water that there are undead pirates in this area"

As the DM I asked... "What kind of skill did you use to tell that?"

He replied "Knowledge (local)? The water is local right?"

Then the paladin goes "Well don't worry... I will just bless the local water and keep the undead out of the immediate area...jackass..."

 

[slwoyach]

"I've got an idea, everybody take off your pants."

 

[jcayer]

Several come to mind. This one was good, it was when we first started 4e, probably 6 or 8 sessions in. I'm the DM.

Me: "How many hit points do you have left, Ekerrath?"
Player: "Three."
Me: "The first hobgoblin hits you for... 1."
Player: "Phew! Two left!"
Me: And the second hobgoblin hits you."
Player: "Damn."
Player 2: "This is it. The first time one of our players is reduced to zero hps."
Me: "... for 1."
Player: "Woot!"

 

[Hussar]

From today's session:

(( Kord: Grrr, I have strong butt!
Avandra: Well, I make chance afflict you with sudden laxative!
Ioun: I have no idea what you're arguing about ))

 

[jedavis]

From last Saturday:

Lazy DM: "Make a reflex save!"
Fighter: *rolls a 3*
Lazy DM: "You've triggered a trap... What kind of trap was it?"
Party: "Fire!" "Arrows!" "Pit of spiders!" "Flaming spider arrows fired by gay drow!"

This from the campaign where one PC has Profession (Deckhand), another has Knowledge (Orcish Theology), and the last has Craft (Sandwich).