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Converting Prehistoric Creatures
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<blockquote data-quote="Cleon" data-source="post: 8474062" data-attributes="member: 57383"><p>That's a good improvement. I'll swap it into the <strong><a href="https://enworld.org/index.php?posts/8472956" target="_blank">Giant Trigonotarbid</a></strong> to replace the former version of the Description (see below).</p><p></p><p>Maybe remove the "their" in "their keen sensory pedipals" and use "creature" instead of "animal"? Also, it they're hunting something isn't it already prey? so either the "potential prey" or the "hunt" seems redundant.</p><p></p><p>So you could use either:</p><p></p><p>"Giant trigonotarbids are large arachnids related to spiders and scorpions. Unlike their kin, they do not spin webs and are not venomous, and much of their bodies are covered with thick spiny armored plates. Predatory by nature, they make up for their poor vision with keen sensory pedipalps and other senses. They inhabit forests and the underdark, where they hunt any creature smaller than themselves."</p><p></p><p>or:</p><p></p><p>"Giant trigonotarbids are large arachnids related to spiders and scorpions. Unlike their kin, they do not spin webs and are not venomous, and much of their bodies are covered with thick spiny armored plates. Predatory by nature, they make up for their poor vision with keen sensory pedipalps and other senses. They inhabit forests and the underdark, where any creature smaller than themselves is potential prey."</p><p></p><p>I like the second one a little better myself.</p><p></p><p>What do you think?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Cleon, post: 8474062, member: 57383"] That's a good improvement. I'll swap it into the [B][URL='https://enworld.org/index.php?posts/8472956']Giant Trigonotarbid[/URL][/B] to replace the former version of the Description (see below). Maybe remove the "their" in "their keen sensory pedipals" and use "creature" instead of "animal"? Also, it they're hunting something isn't it already prey? so either the "potential prey" or the "hunt" seems redundant. So you could use either: "Giant trigonotarbids are large arachnids related to spiders and scorpions. Unlike their kin, they do not spin webs and are not venomous, and much of their bodies are covered with thick spiny armored plates. Predatory by nature, they make up for their poor vision with keen sensory pedipalps and other senses. They inhabit forests and the underdark, where they hunt any creature smaller than themselves." or: "Giant trigonotarbids are large arachnids related to spiders and scorpions. Unlike their kin, they do not spin webs and are not venomous, and much of their bodies are covered with thick spiny armored plates. Predatory by nature, they make up for their poor vision with keen sensory pedipalps and other senses. They inhabit forests and the underdark, where any creature smaller than themselves is potential prey." I like the second one a little better myself. What do you think? [/QUOTE]
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